I know it’s been 8 months but I have a really really good reason you guys! No I don’t. Well sort of? Someone close to us had a bit of a situation that made me start to feel funny about posting about all of the places I go and cribs we reside in and all of that. But since that is over and some time has passed I feel like I’m ready to get my head in the game again. Alright! Let’s do this! Wooo! Go team! [Overzealous Applause]
To catch up, everything here is much as it has been. We still eat out all the time and party on the weekends. We’ve been having to get up super early lately and we’re running a side business on Etsy and it takes up a lot of our time and energy. Our Saturday days are spent politely scooting around old ladies to evaluate dusty old trinkets then photographing our scores to put online. But it’s so much funner than it sounds! We’re saving up our business earnings to buy a much hipper car. We thought a truck would be sensible for the business, but a 1980s Mazda RX7 would significantly spike the cool meter. I think you know what we’re leaning towards.
Picture me riding in this with the fringe on my leather coat flappin in the wind.
To make up for all of this time we’ve missed together, dear readers, (and by that I mean- Hi Mom! Hi boyfriend’s mom!) we sacrificed nearly $10 to Mr. McDonald and ate our very first McRibs. Both bf and I had never had one, although he surmised that they were probably a lot like the faux rib sandwiches of his childhood lunch line.
Step one was to post as my mid-day Facebook status that we were going to have a McRib date after work. A variety of responses rolled in. Wishes of good luck, warnings of health risks ,don’t do it!s (Hi again boyfriend’s mom!), tips (make sure not to get screwed on the pickles says Dan. WAIT, there are pickles on these “ribs”? Sure.), and a bold statement about a sister of a friend who would only break her vegetarianism for McRib season.
Starving after work, we drove to one of the greatest McDonald’s I know of. (Rich people and their crispy golden fries. Pf!) The familiar arches proclaimed our destiny.
We ordered and there was only the slightest hint of judgement coming from the other end of the speaker. We debated about getting them without the weird toppings. I was to understand that barbecued ribs somehow went with onions and pickles? But we wanted to have the true pure experience. 2 McRibs please!
Soon a young man was handing us a bag full of the freshest and tastiest fries I’d had in a long time, 2 hot fresh McRib sandwiches, and about 37 napkins (Facebook friends warned us about this. “You will need these 37 napkins”, I thought to myself). We were pretty close to home so we agreed to eat the fries and save the unboxing for home.
“You can’t take a picture of this”. “I’ll be discreet!” …….”That was not discreet.” “I know.”
On the way home traffic started piling up and we started losing patience when the fries ran out. That unmistakable warm pickle smell was filling my nostrils and I just wanted to see what the thing looked like. I had always imagined them the way they are in commercials.
Big slabs of rib-like strips of meat, bright red gravity defying substance shellacked on, and some lettuce or something?, yep, looks like the McRib I imagine.
I picked up the little boxes which were both smeared with barbecue sauce on the outside. I peeked inside and the bf asked what exactly we were looking at. “It’s a real mess in there,” I warned. He had me roll his up like a burrito in some napkins so he could drive and eat. He noted the weird smell…like nothing of us had either smelled before. Not necessarily appetizing but not barf inducing.
He takes a bite and says “Hm.” I took mine out and examined it a little more closely. Not at all what I expected somehow. And I took a bite myself“Hm.”
We ate in relative silence, trying to figure out what exactly was going on in our mouths. It didn’t taste at all what I expected it to taste like. It didn’t taste like bf’s childhood memories. The pickles were so weird! Salty weird barbecue and pickles? Bf noted that they were “Gross!”. I thought that the bun was the best part: soft and warm and tasted relatively fresh for fast food. I maintain that the “rib” patty was like hot dogs mashed into a slab shape. (Which isn’t as bad as it sounds….I love hot dogs) We both ate every bit of our sandwiches. The overall consensus is that they tasted…like food. Not good food, not bad food. Just something that was there and that we ate and eh it was fine. Like a burger or hot dog from a concession stand. It was there and you were hungry and you ate it. It’s not like someone would be like “Do you recommend the pretzels and hot chocolate from this particular football stadium?” because everyone knows it just tastes edible. At the end I examined myself and didn’t find a drop of sauce on me. Untiiiil about 5 minutes later when I picked up my iPhone with a sticky smear of red on the white back.
So there you have it. I’ll shout it from the rooftops! MC RIBS TASTE PRETTY OKAY! But, you know, ultimately I’d recommend one most as a gentle laxative.